Screwing Up Your Kid Is Easy

A father is putting away groceries into a pantry.  His daughter, who is twelve at most, comes running up to him.  She has just come home from school and is still wearing her back pack.

DAUGHTER:  Daddy, Daddy!  I have to write a story about our family!

FATHER:  (not paying attention) Hmmmm . . .

DAUGHTHER:  And I want to do one on you and Mommy!

FATHER:  (not paying attention)  That’s nice.

DAUGHTER:  How did you and Mommy meet?

The father pauses and thinks.

FATHER:  Fuck, I don’t even know if you’re mine.

The daughter stands in silence.

FATHER:  Your sister definitely came from me, but you?  Pfbfbfbtbtbttt, shit, your momma fucked a lot of people sweetie.

The father continues putting away his groceries.

FATHER:  Now go wash your hands, dinner will be soon.

"I said go wash your goddamn hands."