IT HAS ARRIVED.
IT HAS ARRIVED.
I started this blog seemingly, having just become unemployed and with loads of free time on my hands, out of sheer boredom. I didn’t have any one particular subject I felt strongly enough about nor had enough knowledge on to devote an entire blog to, so I opted to showcase all of the creative works I had come up with in the four hellish years I worked at my last job. (Side note: ACTORS + LAWYERS = BAD. REALLY BAD. PEPSI CLEAR BAD.)
But what started out as a simple copy n’ paste sort of hobby quickly became a quest to test my creative abilities, and it was not long after I started this blog that I set forth to create a tiny piece of art everyday. There was not a single point when I told myself this; no particular moment in time when I decided that I was going to spend an entire year posting. But after three months of continuous blogging, where else was there to take the idea of The Eternal Loop but to blog everyday for an entire year?
No where, really, since as of this post I have blogged 365 straight days in a row.
It’s been fun and awesome and goddamn exhausting. My friends and family stopped talking to me because my blog would end up being the only topic of conversation (“Your uncle jumped out a window and is in the hospital? That reminds me of a cartoon I created for my blog last week!”). At least, I think that’s why they stopped talking to me . . . there may have been other factors.
But now that a year has gone by, it’s time for me to take a little vacation from blogging. Go to the beach, travel, meet new people, try new things, and rejoin society.
. . .
Actually, I will probably do none of those things. But I will catch up on reading everyone else’s blogs that I have been ignoring, as well as catch up on all the things in my Netflix cue.
Now don’t fear, dear readers (all three of you, whom I adore)! This isn’t the end, and I won’t be gone forever; I just need to take a break for a spell. And when I do come back (in about a month or so), I won’t go back to posting everyday. It’s too much work, and it’d be nice to have a life away from my computer. Instead, I want to change gears and put quality over quantity. This entire year I’ve pretty much pulled every post straight outta my butt, and I’d like to dedicate myself to making longer, more engaging, and better works; specifically with regards to short stories, short films and readings.
Before I go I would like to hand out some bullshit (but not completely meaningless) awards:
FIRST COMMENTATOR/BLOG FRIEND AWARD – Hyperactive Inefficiency was the first person to leave a positive comment on one of my posts, and was the first “Blog Friend” I made.
“THANKS FOR AWARDING ME” AWARD – Funny or Tragic gave me one of those Versatile Blog Awards, and thus gets one in return. And for being awesome.
BECAUSE SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND AND HAS HAD TO PUT UP WITH ME TALKING ABOUT THIS BLOG THE MOST AWARD – Die Umlaut. Award self-explanatory.
THE MOST LIKES AWARD – The Nerdybaker has liked more of my posts than anyone else, and as I also enjoy cooking and am a big nerd, I feel a kinship there.
All of these are wonderful, so check them out if you have a chance.
In general, I want to thank everyone who has ever read/liked/shared/commented on this blog. I hope I have been able to entertain most of you; it’s all I’ve ever really wanted to do.
If you’re a part of my loyal readership (all thirteen of you have my undying love, by the way) you have come to understand my love of hard drink. This affection comes more from a place of culinary delight rather than one of getting drunk, although I can’t say I dislike the awesomeness of a night of bar-hopping. But I like to make my nights out at the bars an adventure, a story of epic proportions, a saga if you will, allowing I have the time and the budget to do so. While sitting down and drinking shot after shot of whiskey and glass after glass of martini is most definitely cool (and a definition of manly thereof), I must admit that I find it kind of boring. There is an entire world of liquor out there to enjoy and I believe it is my god-given duty, my holy charge, to taste of every school of libation before then end of the night. Are there rules? Of course, this wouldn’t be fun if there weren’t rules. Is it dangerous? No, unless your idea of danger is to consume as many different liquors in a relative short period of time without promise of food or rest. Then yes, yes it is. Is it wise? No, not really, as the final price of the bill will be akin to a new computer. Is it worth it? That depends on if you enjoy being badass. So here it is, the game of the 9-Course Drinking Extravaganza.
Number of Players: 2 – 6
Equipment: None is required, although it is recommended that one member be in charge of keeping score on a pad of paper.
Object: To last the entire night without passing out, blacking out, throwing up or giving up.
Play: The game begins when you step into the bar. You must sit directly at the bar and be able to do so for the duration of the game. You must order at least two drinks per hour, but no more than four an hour. Every drink must be of a different class than the two that were consumed previously, although you do not have to cycle through all of the classes before returning. You must finish each drink and wait 10-15 minutes before ordering the next. Every five rounds all players can decide to do a group shot, where all players drink the same shot. You do not have to drink at the same pace. If a player is disqualified at any point they must drink water for the remaining duration of the game.
The Malts – Malted-grain drinks, e.g. – beer. You may order the same beer twice in a row, once. This is called Barreling.
The Fruits – Fermented fruit juices, e.g. – wine, cider. You may order the same glass of wine twice in a row. This is called Mothering.
The Classics – Simple cocktails containing one liquor and one mixer, e.g. Gin & Tonic, Jack & Coke, Martini, Screwdriver.
The Mixies – Cocktails with no less than three ingredients, but no more than six. E.g. – Appletinis, anything that comes with a slice of pineapple and an umbrella.
The Scorchers – Any drink that involves fire.
The Bombers – Any drink that involves dropping a shot into another drink.
The Regals – Straight liquor, in a tumbler.
The Blasters – Shots.
A player that does a bomber, a blaster and a scorcher in a row wins the Purple Stomach award and gets to be called by the rank of their choosing for the rest of the night. A player that has three or more classics during the game wins the Golden Age award, and gets to be called any entertainer from the 40’s and 50’s for the rest of the game. A player that drinks three or more regals during the game wins the Tortured Heart award, and gets to be called by the author of their choice for the rest of the game. Three or more malts consumed in the game, and a player will be called “Homer”. These awards can be compiled to create names such as Admiral Twain Sinatra or Captain Homer Bogart Hemingway.
Game End – The game ends when all remaining qualified players decide to stop the game, or when there is only one qualified player left.
Now I’ve never actually played this game since not a whole lot of my friends want to attempt it. With the few that have been interested, we often are having too much fun to keep track of the rules. Here is one example of the 9-Course Drinking Extravaganza that I once played (with myself, but not by myself, at a bar):
1. Gin & Tonic (my favorite, and often first, drink) – Classic
2. Shot of Jack – Blaster
3. Black and Tan (half pale ale, half porter or stout) – Malt
4. Tequila on the Rocks (a double) – Regal
5. White Russian – Mixie
6. Irish Carbomb – Bomber
7. Rum & Coke – Classic
8. Stella Artois (2) – Beer
9. Flaming Dr. Pepper – Scorcher
10. Irish Coffee – Classic
11. Gin & Tonic
12. Shot of Tequila
Now this seems like a lot of liquor, and it is, but I was drinking at least one glass of water with every drink, I ate before I started drinking and during the two Stellas, and I consumed it all at a leisurely pace in a space of seven hours. I can not claim I wasn’t dead-ass drunk by the end, nor that I followed all the rules I have listed above, but I definitely wasn’t sick, I remember the entire evening, and I did not experience a hang over.
I must caution you readers though. This game is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for the completely foolish. The point of the game is not to beat the other players but to experience a variety of alcohol and never lose control so you remember each one, so the entire night is like sitting down to a huge, coursed meal. The selection of drinks must take you on a journey to exotic places (tastewise), not a one-way trip to the sewer. Excluding blasters, bombers and scorchers, a player must take their time with each round to fully savor the drink. If you look up at that list and get scared, this is not the game for you. Likewise, if you see that list and think, “I never want to drink any other way,” this game is not for you.
Actually, on closer inspection and regaining my senses, this game isn’t really suitable for anyone. But if done right it’s a lot of fun. Like sky-diving. Naked. Into a forest fire. Full of snakes.