Khan’s Wrath

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The embodiment of vengeance.

Twas the opening weekend of J.J. Abrams’s latest Star Trek film, and my two compatriots and I decided to have a drink and go witness the movie firsthand.  To have a normal drink would not be suitable enough, so we agreed to create our own cocktails under a few fun guidelines.

  • They needed to be Star Trek themed;
  • They needed to be shots; and
  • They needed to contain rum.

We each came up with our own and did so quite successfully, if I do say so myself.  One guy came up with The Fuzzy Trible, a sort of Mai Tai with peach.  Another made The Spock Shot, a drink that consisted of two kinds of rum, blue curaçao, and peppermint schnapps.  You had to pick up the blue shot with the Vuclan salute, drink it, slam the glass down and then scream something logical.

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“THE SKY ONLY APPEARS TO BE BLUE!”

Since the new Star Trek II had a revision of Khan, I found it only appropriate to pay homage to the original Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.  It needed to be fierce, bold, and full of rage.  Thus I present you –

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Khan’s Wrath

– Spiced Rum
– Bacardi 151 (Warning – Fire is involved)
– Tapatio Hot Sauce

Don’t run away!  I know this drink screams “danger”, but it’s not that scary as long as you’re careful.  Trust me, I put a lot of thought into this drink: Spiced Rum to represent Ricardo Montalban, with his tanned skin, smooth demeanor, and being comfortable enough to wear this –

The Tapatio represents Khan’s intensity and Do-what-I-want attitude, and the blazing 151 to symbolize “The Wrath”.  So relax and have some courage; everything is thought out.

  • Fill ⅓ of a tall/double shot glass with the Tapatio.

I told you to relax, dammit!  This works, I swear.  You could just put in a drop, which would certainly look pretty, but doesn’t add enough flavor to the party.  Pour that shit in.

  • Fill up the rest of the shot glass with the Spiced Rum, stopping at least ¼” from the top.
  • Gently layer by pouring the Bacardi 151 down the side of the glass, leaving at least ⅛” empty.  You don’t want the rum to burn away before you can drink it, but you don’t want it to reach the rim of the glass either.  Liquid fire sounds badass, and it is, but it is not so much fun if you spill it all over yourself.

I think it’s kicking in.

  • Making sure the 151 is capped, and that the glass and any spills that might have occurred are wiped down, turn off the lights, and let the fires rise.
  • Take a picture.  It’s the law of the land now that you have to photograph your food if it’s on fire.
  • Smother the fire either with a dish or your hand (depending on what level of FUCK YEAH I’M AWESOME you are).
  • This part is a little tricky.  Instead of simply drinking it, you have to throw this drink at your mouth as the rim of the glass might be too hot for human lips.  You may want to keep a damp cloth nearby to cool the rim to a comfortable level.
  • Scream “KHAAAAAAAAN!!!”

The drink is like a mini-bloody mary, except instead of vodka you have rum, and instead of celery you have a tiny piece of inferno.  It’s got some kick, both in spice and alcohol content, so be forewarned.  As for my friends and I, we had a couple of rounds, went swimming, watched the original Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, ordered a 3’ wide pizza, had another round, watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, went swimming again, and then . . .

You know what?  We never saw the new Star Trek movie that day.  I guess the thought will have to do.

Enjoy!

khan's wrath

The Tony-Boy

tonyboy (2)Earthy, sweet, and smoky. 

My grandfather loved cognac.  His favorite drink involved pouring a large amount of Hennessy into Coca-Cola, and then stirring it up until all the bubbles were gone.  I thought the drink was disgusting (might as well have just poured the Hennessy straight into corn syrup), but after a few sips you were too drunk to notice.  So when my grandfather passed away earlier this year, we bought a case or two of Hennessy for the post-funeral reception.  We all gathered to celebrate my grandfather’s life and started off the festivities by drinking copious amounts of the cognac.

My role for the evening was as a cook; I spent most of my time in the kitchen preparing food or bouncing through the house topping off people’s drinks.  At the end of the evening when things were winding down, I stood in the kitchen talking with some of my relatives drinking cognac and coke.  Someone asked for a cup of coffee, so I made them one.  Now, it was most likely my level of inebriation and the power of suggestion (although I like to think it was my adventurous culinary spirit mixed with my zeal to be an originator) that caused me to pour some coffee into my cognac and coke.  My great-uncle gasped, “Boy, what the hell are you doing?!” to which my mother replied, “Have you met my son?”  But I was surprised by how the coffee played with the soda.  I made a note to myself to investigate further to see if I was onto something.

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The Tony-Boy

– 12 oz. of Coffee
– 24 cups of Water
– Coca-Cola
– Hennessy

No matter how many people like to think of themselves as mixologists and whip up something really fancy, simple is always better when it comes to cocktails.

I was excited to make a drink with coffee as I am a big fan of coffee and liquor mixed together, especially an Irish Coffee.  The perfect airport drink, the effect of the whiskey mixed with the buzz of caffeine always leaves me mellow yet motivated.  I have always felt that a day that starts off with Irish Coffee is going to lead to an adventure of grand and bizarre proportions: playing chess in the Russian district of your town with a guy who doesn’t speak a word of english and wears a bronze monocle, or shooting guns at old Ovaltine canisters in the middle of the desert while taking peyote and boiling cacti.

I’m gonna fight a bear . . . and then marry it.

Speaking of boiling, don’t do this with a hot cup of coffee.  A cold soda is refreshing, with little pops of coolness going off all over the place.  Heated bubbles, on the other hand, is like having a tiny police action going on in your mouth – there’s a lot of shouting and yelling, people are wearing riot gear, someone throws a rock, and then the firing begins.  It’s definitely an experience, but not a pleasant one.  As for the rest of the recipe:

  • Making iced coffee is like making normal coffee, except you use cold hot water and it takes all goddamn day.  You’re also going to have to make a lot of it, as all of the recipes for making iced coffee by the glass are not good at all.  Get a big container that’s made of plastic; something like a large pitcher, a 8 qt. container, or a –
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So I used a bucket, what of it?! It was clean.

  • Pour in the coffee, 24 motherfucking cups of water, cover, and let sit at room temp for eight hours or overnight.
  • Put a cheesecloth on a wire mesh and strain the liquid.  This will take longer than you would expect.  Then chill in the fridge, and BAM!  Iced coffee.
    • Don’t go brewing a normal cup of coffee and then letting it cool; your mother raised you better than that.  The cold-brew method creates a mellower flavor that won’t get diluted if you put ice in it.
Don't be fooled, there's at least five times more of this stuff right off-camera.

Don’t be fooled; there’s at least five times more of this stuff right off-camera.

  • Fill a Collins glass with ice ¾’s with Coca-Cola.
  • I have explained my theory on the proportions of my cocktails before, but if you want to be a “moderate drinker”, a shot or two of cognac will suffice.
  • Fill the rest of the glass with iced coffee.

It’s a very interesting drink.  It’s almost as if Coca-Cola debuted a new coffee-flavored Coke, and then poured in Hennessy to class it up.  Good for a hot summer morning, the caffeine of the coffee and coke will pep you right up, and if it doesn’t you still got 20 more cups of the blasted iced coffee to make your heart sound like Gene Krupa.  I dare not say my grandfather would have liked it, but it will always remind me of him, so I have named it The Tony-Boy which was his nickname.

Enjoy!

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