Phil & Rosco Discuss Air Quality

Phil is driving a car late at night.  He has a Bluetooth headset on and is talking to his wife.  There is an odd noise coming from the car that sounds like a slow scrape, followed by a sputter.

PHIL: (into the headset)  Yeah, the festival was great.  Best chili cook off so far.  (Pause.)  I tried to sample every single one, but Ros ate as much as he could.  You know him, trying to get the best bang for his buck.  (Pause.)  Well, we just left an hour or so ago, but we should be back before sunrise.  (Pause.)  Don’t wait up though, I don’t suspect us getting back before midnight.  (Pause.)  What?  (Pause.)  No, the car is fine.  Why do you ask?  (Pause.)  Noise?  What noise?  (Pause.)  Oh no, that’s just Ros.

Phil turns around and looks in the back seat.  Rosco is lying down, facing the back window.  We realize that the sound is not coming from the engine, but from Rosco.  He is snoring, taking long deep snores in, but instead of breathing out he is sounding out long farts.  (Click for example.)

PHIL:  He’s sleeping, and he ate too much chili.  (Turns back around.)  All right, I’ll see you when we get in.  (Pause.)  Love you too.  Bye.

Phil clicks a button on the Bluetooth and takes it off his ear.  He drives a while, no music playing, just the sound of Rosco snoring at farting at the same time.  Then Phil takes a deep breath in, grimaces, and rolls down on the windows.

PHIL:  Jesus, Ros.  You should see a doctor.