A Meaty, Sweet & Savory, Guilty Pleasure Recovery Meal
Phew. All this drinkin’ catches up with a man. Unless you’re incredibly lucky (or unlucky, depending on your view of things), we all have had to deal with the after-effects of a hardcore party. Queeziness, headaches, slow reflexes, etc. And it’s times like those that you want food that tastes good, is easy to eat, will fill your stomach, and give you back some shred of dignity. What I’ve made will help you with those first three; you have no chance with the fourth because someone took pictures of you trying to make out with that floor lamp and we’ve all seen them.
You see that pack of walnuts? Fuck those walnuts, they snuck in there.
Hair of the Dog Noodles
– 8 oz of Wide Ride Noodles
– Pack of Bacon
– 4 oz of Sausage/Ground Pork
– 4 Eggs
– 1-2 Bulbs of Shallots (Sliced)
– 1-2 Garlic (Minced)
– Handful of Chives (Chopped)
– 5-6 Large Mushrooms (Sliced)
– Soy Sauce
– Maple Syrup
– Shot of Jack Daniels
This is essentially a Drunken Noodle recipe, but some ingredients have been changed to make it more breakfasty and American. It’s also not going to be as spicy as your run of the mill Drunken Noodles since I’ve taken out the Thai Chilis; a hot pepper is just enough to push that hangover nausea to a full-blown “Can I make it to the toilet before I BLAAARRRGGGG?!!” moment.
- Preheat oven to 400°. When ready, bake the pack of bacon on a foil-lined baking sheet for 20-25 minutes, or until crispy. Yes, I said to bake your bacon, and yes, I said to use an entire pack of it. This is a hangover recovery meal, not an example of health. Set aside when finished.
- Soak and soften noodles in boiling water. When done, drain, rinse, and set aside.
A note on the noodles – The kind of noodles I use are wide rice noodles (also sometimes labeled as rice sticks), an Asian noodle available in any Asian market, or online, if those kinds of markets aren’t in your area. In the end, any Asian noodle will do; just don’t use normal pasta.
Yes, it does matter; stop arguing with me. Never argue with a chef, especially if he’s drunk.
“It’s up to you whether I beat JUST the eggs!”
- Beat eggs in a large bowl.
- Melt some butter in a large skillet. When hot, pour in eggs, and create a large, thin omelet – this can be made by constantly shaking the pan until egg mixture is mostly solid, and then flip. Set aside.
- In a large pan/wok, cook the sausage/pork. Set aside.
- Crumble bacon, cut omelet into 1” x 2” sections, and pour sausage into a large bowl.
- In the same pan/wok, heat some oil. When hot, throw in garlic, shallots and mushrooms. Fry until soft.
- Throw in drained noodles. Mix well.
- Pour and mix in 2 – 4 tablespoons of soy sauce.
- Toss in 2 tablespoons of butter. Mix until completely incorporated.
- Salt and pepper noodles to taste.
- Pour in bacon, sausage, and eggs. You must mix it.
- Pour in ¼ cup of maple syrup. You must mix it.
- Pour in a shot of Jack Daniels (this is called ‘Hair of the Dog’ Noodles, after all, and the whiskey compliments the syrup). You must mix it.
- Now mix it into shape; shape it up; get straight; go forward; move ahead; try to detect it; it’s not too late; to mix it . . . mix it good (WHIPCRACK).
Hold on, let me turn down my stereo; it’s starting to affect my writing.
Now, I know this seems like some reject from Epic Meal Time, but once the dish is made, it’s not all that; the amount of noodles helps spread out all the protein, syrup and liquor. What you end up with is something that is equally sweet and savory, crispy and soft, simply delicious and ‘who gives a crap as long as it helps with the hangover?’ My roommate, who ate much of the finished dish, stated that it was the perfect hangover meal because it was easy to eat. I think he meant that you didn’t have to do any hard work to consume it, like peel any fruit . . . or, like, chew it. Every single bite will taste like glorious mix of every breakfast you’ve ever had. Not for the vegetarian, nor the health-conscious, but perfect for a household full of drunks after a wild and crazy house party.