If you’re a part of my loyal readership (all thirteen of you have my undying love, by the way) you have come to understand my love of hard drink. This affection comes more from a place of culinary delight rather than one of getting drunk, although I can’t say I dislike the awesomeness of a night of bar-hopping. But I like to make my nights out at the bars an adventure, a story of epic proportions, a saga if you will, allowing I have the time and the budget to do so. While sitting down and drinking shot after shot of whiskey and glass after glass of martini is most definitely cool (and a definition of manly thereof), I must admit that I find it kind of boring. There is an entire world of liquor out there to enjoy and I believe it is my god-given duty, my holy charge, to taste of every school of libation before then end of the night. Are there rules? Of course, this wouldn’t be fun if there weren’t rules. Is it dangerous? No, unless your idea of danger is to consume as many different liquors in a relative short period of time without promise of food or rest. Then yes, yes it is. Is it wise? No, not really, as the final price of the bill will be akin to a new computer. Is it worth it? That depends on if you enjoy being badass. So here it is, the game of the 9-Course Drinking Extravaganza.
Number of Players: 2 – 6
Equipment: None is required, although it is recommended that one member be in charge of keeping score on a pad of paper.
Object: To last the entire night without passing out, blacking out, throwing up or giving up.
Play: The game begins when you step into the bar. You must sit directly at the bar and be able to do so for the duration of the game. You must order at least two drinks per hour, but no more than four an hour. Every drink must be of a different class than the two that were consumed previously, although you do not have to cycle through all of the classes before returning. You must finish each drink and wait 10-15 minutes before ordering the next. Every five rounds all players can decide to do a group shot, where all players drink the same shot. You do not have to drink at the same pace. If a player is disqualified at any point they must drink water for the remaining duration of the game.
- You may not drink anything without an alcohol content other than water. You may consume as much water as you like.
- You may not mimic your friend’s order (copycatting) in a given round, although you can order what they ordered once a new round has begun (piggybacking), but you can only piggy back twice in the entire game. This does not include group-shots.
- You may not repeat an order you have made earlier in the game. This does not include group shots.
- You may not order a drink that is made with more than three liquors.
The Malts – Malted-grain drinks, e.g. – beer. You may order the same beer twice in a row, once. This is called Barreling.
The Fruits – Fermented fruit juices, e.g. – wine, cider. You may order the same glass of wine twice in a row. This is called Mothering.
The Classics – Simple cocktails containing one liquor and one mixer, e.g. Gin & Tonic, Jack & Coke, Martini, Screwdriver.
The Mixies – Cocktails with no less than three ingredients, but no more than six. E.g. – Appletinis, anything that comes with a slice of pineapple and an umbrella.
The Scorchers – Any drink that involves fire.
The Bombers – Any drink that involves dropping a shot into another drink.
The Regals – Straight liquor, in a tumbler.
The Blasters – Shots.
A player that does a bomber, a blaster and a scorcher in a row wins the Purple Stomach award and gets to be called by the rank of their choosing for the rest of the night. A player that has three or more classics during the game wins the Golden Age award, and gets to be called any entertainer from the 40’s and 50’s for the rest of the game. A player that drinks three or more regals during the game wins the Tortured Heart award, and gets to be called by the author of their choice for the rest of the game. Three or more malts consumed in the game, and a player will be called “Homer”. These awards can be compiled to create names such as Admiral Twain Sinatra or Captain Homer Bogart Hemingway.
A man whom, I would assume, might look like this.
Game End – The game ends when all remaining qualified players decide to stop the game, or when there is only one qualified player left.
Now I’ve never actually played this game since not a whole lot of my friends want to attempt it. With the few that have been interested, we often are having too much fun to keep track of the rules. Here is one example of the 9-Course Drinking Extravaganza that I once played (with myself, but not by myself, at a bar):
1. Gin & Tonic (my favorite, and often first, drink) – Classic
2. Shot of Jack – Blaster
3. Black and Tan (half pale ale, half porter or stout) – Malt
4. Tequila on the Rocks (a double) – Regal
5. White Russian – Mixie
6. Irish Carbomb – Bomber
7. Rum & Coke – Classic
8. Stella Artois (2) – Beer
9. Flaming Dr. Pepper – Scorcher
10. Irish Coffee – Classic
11. Gin & Tonic
12. Shot of Tequila
Now this seems like a lot of liquor, and it is, but I was drinking at least one glass of water with every drink, I ate before I started drinking and during the two Stellas, and I consumed it all at a leisurely pace in a space of seven hours. I can not claim I wasn’t dead-ass drunk by the end, nor that I followed all the rules I have listed above, but I definitely wasn’t sick, I remember the entire evening, and I did not experience a hang over.
I must caution you readers though. This game is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for the completely foolish. The point of the game is not to beat the other players but to experience a variety of alcohol and never lose control so you remember each one, so the entire night is like sitting down to a huge, coursed meal. The selection of drinks must take you on a journey to exotic places (tastewise), not a one-way trip to the sewer. Excluding blasters, bombers and scorchers, a player must take their time with each round to fully savor the drink. If you look up at that list and get scared, this is not the game for you. Likewise, if you see that list and think, “I never want to drink any other way,” this game is not for you.
Actually, on closer inspection and regaining my senses, this game isn’t really suitable for anyone. But if done right it’s a lot of fun. Like sky-diving. Naked. Into a forest fire. Full of snakes.
Or like that, yeah. Great example.