Written by Paige Craig
Check out her phenomenal photography at her website.
Written by Paige Craig
Check out her phenomenal photography at her website.
This is the latest audiobook I have finished and it is the first work of non-fiction that I have narrated. While I was afraid that something that included such a ball-bustingly exciting word as “analytics” would leave attempting to end my own life with my microphone, I was surprised to find that not only was the subject a fascinating look into the technology that is running underneath everything we do, but also that the writing itself was charming and approachable. Eric Siegel makes predictive analytics easily understood no matter if you are a techie, a senior citizen, a fresh-outta-school engineer, or even a baby (note: Eric’s infant-teaching abilities have yet to be confirmed).
The audiobook is available viz Predictive Analytics World, and also on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes. You can also check out a silly yet catchy music video about predictive analytics here. Keep an eye out and you might see me.
Have I talked about The Success of Suexliegh enough? I THINK NOT!!! To help relieve the horrendous pangs of Tax Day, I am giving away free copies of the unabridged The Success of Suexliegh audiobook! They are limited in quantity, so the first people to like/comment on this post will be the lucky winners of a story about the man who had everything.
The Dark Man
Written by Stephen King
Finally, after years of searching for the perfect piece in his bibliography (one that was under five minutes and that hadn’t already been done by someone more talented than myself), I have found a work of Stephen King to record.
My mother’s favorite author is Stephen King and there is no memory I have of the eighteen years I lived with the woman that did not include an entire bookcase containing most, if not all, of Mr. King’s books. It was only a matter of time before I picked one up and started to read it for myself. That occurred in the summer before I entered the 6th grade, and the book was The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger. I picked it up because the book had an utterly badass cover:
I mean, look at that thing. I knew Stephen King as an author who primarily wrote about creepy ass things happening to authors and children in Maine, but a cowboy? With a crow? What the fuck is the dark tower? And why the hell is its distant shadow above the sunset?! That ain’t no physics I ever heard of. I opened the book and read it twice. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but I did know I loved it. I would spend the next sixteen years, more than half my life, riding the Dark Tower train, and I’m excited to narrate something directly attached to the DT universe.
For those of you who don’t know, The Dark Tower series is King’s self-described magnum opus, and it is connected to many of his other works. It details the adventure of Roland, a gunslinger (a sort of western knight) in a land that has “moved on”, and his quest to reach the dark tower. I could extrapolate more, but I’m not sure it would make much sense (Ka like the wind; I aim with my eye, shoot with my mind, and kill with my heart; 19; Bango Skank; I’ma kill all dem honk muhfuhs; I left the world I knew to watch a kid try to put booties on a fucked-up weasel; Blaine’s a pain; Go then. There are other worlds than these.) If you like sweeping sagas full of violence, honor, love, destiny, betrayal, loyalty, friendship, lots o’ shooting, and some simply fucked up shit, then pick up The Gunslinger and thank me later.
This poem deals with one of Roland’s main antagonists, a wizard who goes by many names and many faces but always wreaks chaos and destruction wherever he treads. I hope I do the character justice. Stephen King is one of my artistic heroes. His words have been a part of my life since the day I was born, and so I hope I do the work justice. If I have fallen short, I cry your pardon. If I have done well and remembered the face of my father, then I say thank ya, big big.
Note to Stephen King, if he happens upon this: If a phone call/IM online chat thingy between you and I could be arranged, I have one question I have been dying to ask you. It’s not for a job or a critique on my own work; just a question that popped into my head after reading a lot of your stuff. Thanks for doing what you do, and for all the books.
Written by George Ding
Narrated by Nicolas D. Frantela
Music – Haunting by Cerulean Crayons
(Heads up – It had to be split into two part. If you have YouTube Annotations on, a link to the second part should come up.)
Why is it that so many of my friends are authors? Here is another talented friend that I met in college. George and I met on the very first day at college when I had just moved into the dorm. We were in line to get “complimentary” pizza (when you pay $160,000 on a college education, I don’t consider anything complimentary; you’re paying for it all), and started to chitchat a little. I mentioned that I was an actor and he asked what plays I had done. Not knowing how acclimated to the world of theatre he was, I picked well-known pieces (Gypsy, Anything Goes, Death of a Salesman), to which he gave no reaction. I decided to tell him some of the more abstract pieces I had been in (Marat/Sade, a circus show called Anonymity, No Exit), even though I was pretty sure he would also stare blankly back at me. Instead, his eyes went wide, he gripped my shoulders with his hands, and said louder than I think he realized, “YOU ACTUALLY SPOKE THE LINE ‘HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE’!” Turns out that George was an existentialist and loved Sartre. Extremely smart, with a dry wit that can actually cut you, George is a writer and director, and one of my best friends. I just wish the bastard would move back from China already.
So I forgot a chapter. It’s all in order on YouTube, so quit your whining.
If you have enjoyed the first ten chapters of The Success of Suexliegh, written by Zack Keller, original music from Nick Keller, and read by my own tongue, then you can pick up a copy of the full audiobook on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes. Here’s a tip: if you’re new Audible, you can get the book for free when you sign up! STICK IT TO THE MAN (please be aware that this deal is strongly encouraged by The Man).
AND THUS IS WAS FINISHED AND, YEA, THE LORD OF NARRATION GAZED UPON IT AND, LO, FOUND IT MOST PLEASURABLE.
Here is the last of the free chapters of The Success of Suexliegh, written by my good friend and storymaster Zack Keller, along with original music from his younger brother, Nick Keller, who can write a glorious piece of music faster than it takes me to ask him for it. And thus ends Suexliegh’s reign on this blog. I hope I have been able to whet your appetite for the quirky characters, zany situations, and oh so many puns that will make you grin, groan, and develop a brain aneurysm all at the same time, that you go out and get yourself a copy of the book, which you can actually get dirt cheap for all the entertainment you’ll garner from it.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
Starting today, you can also buy yourself a copy of the full, unabridged audiobook version of The Success of Suexliegh, available on Amazon, Audible, and iTunes, read by yours truly (of course), and with even more original music from Nick Keller. It’s been months in the making and a true labor of love for all involved, which shows. Give a present to your ears and download the audiobook today. If you like it, buy one for your friends. If you hate it, then buy one for your enemies (or force them to buy it for themselves with threats of chainsaw violence). Either way, a fun time will be had by all!