A Limerick Regarding Facial Hair

I long to shave off my mustache
It itches and leads me to scratch
But my girlfriend likes it
So I haven’t shaved shit
And I look like I’m BJ from M*A*S*H



We all end up saying goodbye to someone important to us, one way or another, in life.  Whether it be by a joined venture of farewell;
Or a perhaps a change of stature;
Or sometimes by the true finish through the clearing at the end of the path;
We all must say good-bye to those we love, by and by.
What is hardest about saying farewell is not that we must come to the end of a friendship
And the world we know with that person in it,
For those will continue on through history
And echo in the lives you lead from then on;
It is the fact that we must face a new life
With the knowledge that it continues on without them;
That the small worlds that we create for ourselves
That help us get by
The help keep us sane
That make life worth living
Can merely fade away into the recesses of our memory
With such ease, and with no plaque or monument to mark its passing.
The hard good-byes are not the one ones we say to each other
But the ones we say to ourselves;
For when a person who is dear to your heart moves on
A part of you that loved them moves on with them.
It is the true gift of friendship,
To give a piece of yourself to someone forever
And to never get it back.
And yet the piece of yourself that you do keep
Rejoices with the part of that person that has been left with you,
For life does move on as it always has.
And while there will be times when you miss the sound of a friend’s laugh
Or the reassuring hug of a mother
Or the caress of a lover’s hand on your face
And mourn for the life you have left behind,
The memories of those moments will act as a warm core in your soul
When the sun is bright and the air is clear
And your view to the horizon is unhindered.
Then you will remember not just your friend, but yourself
And the joy and love you shared with them will fill your heart
Will flood it;
Like a crystal glass
Overrunning with cool water.

A Night of Drinking via Haikus

To start off tonight
A gin and tonic will do
With a squeeze of lime.

Following after
I’ll take something quite stronger
With a shot of Jack.

Another shot now
Except Jameson this time
My, how the room spins.

Perhaps a Stella
Make it easier this round
I should have eaten.

Which drink am I on?
Is it number three or four?
This will cost a lot.

Long Island Iced Tea
Fuck me, I can’t feel me feet
Who vomited here?

“No more.  You are done.”
Don’t tell ME nothing, stupid.
Give me tequila.

It seems no one likes
When you punch the bartender
The sidewalk is cold.

How did I get home?
Where the hell is my left shoe?
Did I steal a cat?

My head really hurts
Light and Sound are my villains
God, I love Fridays.

Just a Box

I woke Christmas morning and what did I see
But a present laying on my chest, its colors red and green
It pondered me so because I live alone and my friends all know
I don’t celebrate Christmas; I hate the winter and sugarplums and the whiteness of snow
But still, there it lay, a wrapped box of medium size
Hiding some gift that’s definitely a surprise.

I sat up in bed and brought the box to my face
Lifted it, shook it, inspected the tape
It was not heavy; in fact, it seemed empty
And I kept thinking, “Who the hell gave this to me?”
So I split the wrapper and opened the box
And what I found there left me a little shocked.

Inside of my gift was another box, exactly the same
Same color, same size, same weight.  “This is insane.”
But on the top of this gift in a gift was also a card
With my full name scripted on it, and all the i’s dotted with stars.
It said:

“Merry Christmas Rick!  I hope this finds you well.
The gift is an oddity, out of space and time it has fell
I know you don’t believe in me, or my sled, or the yuletide spirit
But when I saw this, I thought of you and knew you should have it
It didn’t cost a dime, all expenses were spared
Still, this box is quite special, so treat it with care
I know you haven’t gotten many presents, and that’s left you constantly blue
So this is a gift that keeps on giving and each one just for you
May you have a glorious Christmas! May your heart feel light and free
And know that someone thought of you this day.  Take care.  SC.”

The box was indeed special, as I have come to find
That within each one is another box of exactly the same kind
How all these boxes fit in one another, I don’t know
But I have to wriggle each one out, it’s such a tight fit so
And it has not stopped, these boxes do not end
I’ve already filled my bedroom and my hallway with them

And in each one are more boxes of infinite number
They might go on forever, but how this can be I can only wonder
But as I sit here, on a throne made of Christmas presents
I am filled with joy and merriment and utter happiness
I still don’t care for Christmas, but I’m not going to mock
Sometimes it just feels good to get a gift, even if it is just a box.

Lazy Day Haikus

I have gotten caught up in reading Stephen King’s new book, so the short story I was going to write for today’s post has been postponed since I never actually got around to writing it.  But to hold strong to my “Post Everyday” policy, here are some haikus.  I found writing these a lot of fun and I could easily see it becoming addictive.  The inspiration for them is not that difficult to find.  “Oh look, some dead batteries!  I can write 17 syllables about that!”

Please don’t go monkey
There are no mango trees here
Just imported crap

“This is the good stuff,”
Said the cat to the junkie,
“’Nip will blow your mind.”

The rock looked upward
To the hill he just rolled down
“AGAIN PLEASE!” he cried.

“FORSOOTH!” my dad screamed
As the pie fell to the floor
“Go outside and play.”

Malcolm X was great
MLK was a badass
My heroes are dead

The actor tried hard
To pretend someone watched him
He was not that good

Autumn days pass fast
Stephen King wrote a new book
So I did no writing

I try to emulate Calvin as much as possible.

A Poem

May the Wind carry me up towards the heavens
And show me Its wonders
May the Earth lower me to the soil
And share with me Its wisdom
May the Fire burn away my burden
May the Water wash away the ash;

May the Darkness within show me my Path
And the Light that I follow guide me through it;

May the Energy surround me
Pass through me
Become me;

May I be one with world around
As I am one with world I create;

Let me not falter, though I might
Though I will, let me not fail
And blare the Trumpet Triumphant
When I, at last, prevail.

Look, my brain is pretty small so I had to use this again, okay?