A house party is in full swing. In the living room, music plays while people dance. Many others simply stand about with beer bottles or plastic red party cups in their hands, talking with each other. Edgar, the person throwing the party, is leaning against a window sill talking to a three others.
EDGAR: For the most part my roommates are all right, but one of them keeps using my shampoo. I bought a big thing of shampoo just last week, and it’s almost gone now. I’ve had to write a message on it saying, “DON’T TOUCH MY SHAMPOO OR I’LL KILL YOU!”
The group laughs. Another guest, Simon, stumbles up to the group. He is a healthy drunk, but not fall-down sloshed. Yet his face is very flushed, and he is sweating a lot. He reaches the group, who is still laughing, and begins to laugh with them, not really knowing what he’s laughing about.
SIMON: Ed, this is a great party man.
EDGAR: Thanks, man.
SIMON: Can you, uh – (Simon stumbles a bit, and catches himself) – can you tell me which way to the bathroom?
EDGAR: Sure. You all right?
SIMON: (distracted) What?
EDGAR: Are you okay? You look a little out of breath.
SIMON: Oh no, I’m fine. I just took some LSD before coming to the party, and I think it’s starting to kick in. Just want to splash some water on my face in a quiet room for a moment to get my bearings.
EDGAR: (chuckling) Bathroom is down the hall and to the left. Just be careful to not lock the door; the lock gets stuck and we have to slam into it to get it to open.
Simon walks down the hall and gets to the bathroom just as an attractive young woman comes out. Simon stumbles a little again, braces himself on the wall, and steps out of the woman’s way, bowing as he does so.
SIMON: Pardon me, m’lady.
WOMAN: (laughing) Well, thank you, good squire.
The woman walks away. Simon goes into the bathroom and closes and locks the door just as two other people come up and start to form a line. While a little muffled, the music from the living room can still be heard. Simon unzips and starts to urinate. While he does his business, he glances around the bathroom. It’s apparent that at least three or four people share this one bathroom; there are different toothbrushes, combs, mouthwashes, hair products, skin creams, etc. There is even a pair of scissors next to a small booklet entitled How to Cut Your Own Hair in Five Easy Steps!. Simon goes back to focusing on his current task at hand. As he finishes, the music from the living room changes to a song with a loud house beat. In the bathroom, the colors start to intensify. Simon looks up to the ceiling to the the light bulb changing colors.
SIMON: Oh yeah, it’s kicking in.
Simon washes his hands, then fills the basin and splashes his face with water. He looks into the basin and it sees dozens of floating lights in the water. He unstops the plunger and watches all the little lights flow down the drain. He holds his face and hands over the sink while he looks for a towel. There are none at the sink, so he turns towards the shower and dries his face with a towel hanging off the shower curtain rod. As he dries his face and hands, he notices a shampoo bottle that is on a stand in the shower. Meanwhile, three more people have joined in the line waiting for the bathroom.
The shampoo bottle has a huge label on it with the message “DON’T TOUCH ME OR I’LL KILL YOU!!!” written in huge black letters. Simon stares directly at the bottle, reading the words over and over again. He frowns. He focuses in on the words “KILL” and “YOU!!!” He begins to hear whispering voices coming from the bottle.
BOTTLE VOICES: (inaudible whispers)
Simon leans in to hear the voices over the music coming from inside.
BOTTLE VOICES: . . . kill . . . you . . .
Simon freezes. His eyes widen in fear.
BOTTLE VOICES: We’re going to kill you, Simon. We’re going to find you in your sleep and we’re going to slit your throat.
Simon gives a small yelp and turns to leave the bathroom, but the door lock is stuck and he can’t open the door. In the hallway, where even more people are in line and visibly annoyed, the door rattles harder and harder as Simon tries to get out.
FRONT OF LINE MAN: (knocking on the door) Hey, buddy, let’s go, people are awaiting.
Simon let’s go of the door knob and turns back towards the shower. The shampoo bottle is five times bigger. It is now black and the writing on it is red and dripping like blood. The voices coming from the bottle are now lower and more demonic. Simon backs away into the sink.
BOTTLE VOICES: You can’t run from us, Simon. We have your place here all ready. We will tie up your soul and bleed it dry. We will take your hope and burn it in effigy to The Beast. We will eat your heart and rape your mind. There is no escape. THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!
A thundering drum fills the bathroom as a large chorus sings a song of despair and discord, which are really the sounds of the other people in the hallway.
FRONT OF LINE MAN: (pounding on the door, trying to turn the doorknob) Hey! Are you okay in there?!
Simon starts to cry, and begins to grope around the sink, trying to get as far away from the shower as possible. The bottle is now on fire.
BOTTLE VOICES: Join us, Simon. It’s so wonderful here. Everyone sings chaos. Everyone dances malevolence. Join us. JOIN US!!!
Simon’s hand hits the scissors that were on the sink and grasps them. He brings them up over his head and begins to scream wildly.
SIMON: CURSE ME NOT AND BEGONE DEMON!!!
Outside in the hallway, the people in the line hear Simon scream and then a succession of loud noises. Edgar is walks up to the door.
EDGAR: Simon! Simon, are you all right?! (He turns the knob to find it locked.) Shit.
Edgar begins to slam against the door with his shoulder. After a few failed attempts, the door opens with a loud crack. Inside, Simon is found on the floor. He is stabbing the shampoo bottle with the scissors. There is shampoo all over the bathroom and Simon, who is screaming and laughing maniacally.
SIMON: ED, DO YOU HAVE ANY HOLY WATER?!