Titlecard – BASED ON TRUE EVENTS
A car zooms into the parking lot of a grocery store, swerves, and comes to a short stop in front of the door. A young college student hops out of the passenger seat and turns around to talk to the driver.
STUDENT 1 – (breathing heavy from stress) Okay, I’ll go in and get the bleach, food coloring, baking soda, two cartons of milk and the turkey baster. You go to the Home Depot and pick up three two-foot long pieces of 2×4, some paint brushes, four neon lightbulbs, a bag of fertilizer and a tube of caulking.
STUDENT 2 – Got it.
STUDENT 1 – We’ll meet back at the apartment and get going on the Chemistry project that’s due tomorrow, pull an all-nighter, and hopefully be done before class starts at 10am.
STUDENT 2 – We should have done this two weeks ago when we got the assignment.
STUDENT 1 – Yeah, but we sat down and watched the box set of LOST while drinking pina coladas and banana daiquiris instead. Frankly, I don’t regret it. Do you?
STUDENT 2 – Never in life.
STUDENT 1 – That’s what I thought. If we buckle down and concentrate, we can get this done in no time. Professor DickwadDoesn’tAllowExtraCreditDipshit does not get to win.
STUDENT 2 – Agreed.
STUDENT 1 – We can do this.
Student 1 closes the door and the car zooms off. Student 1 runs into the store, which has a sign out front saying “NEWLY REMODELED”. He frantically looks around, searching for bleach. On the Aisle 4 banner, he finds ‘Cleaning Products’ and sprints down the aisle. Because he is not looking where he is going, he runs into a stack of cans of soup, which are marked half-off. He picks up some and then just brushes the rest of the cans to the side of aisle with his foot. He reaches the end of the aisle where the bleach should be, stops and turns to the shelf. He is breathing heavily and starting to sweat. He stands there in silence, a look of confusion slowly growing on his face.
STUDENT 1 – Nuts.
Instead of bleach, the shelf is packed full of peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, and other nuts. Student 1 simply gawks at the shelf. A store clerk, who is passing by with a floor buffer, looks over.
STORE CLERK – Sorry, we haven’t changed the signs yet. Bleach is in Aisle 9.
Student 1 runs past him to go to Aisle 9, where he slips on the newly buffed floor and falls right on his ass.