Phil and Rosco Eat Out

A diner in a small town sits quiet.  People eat their lunch and servers bring out food.  Everything is calm and normal, and Phil and Rosco sit in a booth near the corner.  Suddenly, Phil knocks his glass off the table and starts screaming.

PHIL:  Fuck you!  Fuck you and anyone who looks like you!

ROSCO:  Phil –

Phil throws some mashed potatoes in Rosco’s face.

PHIL:  Suck my ass!

ROSCO: Hold on now –

PHIL: No!  This is the last fucking straw, you piece of shit!  You sleep with my wife, you run over my dog, and you steal the funnies from my Sunday paper.  I’ve had enough of it!

ROSCO:  Wait –

Phil flips the table, with their half eaten meals still on it, onto the floor ans stands up.


Phil kicks and mashes some of the food on the floor and then storms out of the restaurant, and Rosco follows him.  The rest of the patrons and servers of the diner just remain frozen in their places as they try to take in the argument that just occurred.

WAITRESS:  Uhhhh, Bobby?  I think we’re going to need a bucket . . .

Outside, Rosco catches up to Phil.  Phil remains to look angry, but doesn’t continue to fight with Rosco.  They walk side by side in silence.

PHIL:  I can’t believe that worked.

ROSCO:  I’ve been telling you for years that it’s one of the best ways to not pay for the meal.

PHIL:  And it’s fun.

ROSCO:  Where did you come up with that name?  Roscoliah?

PHIL: Figured if they searched for us, it would be best to give them a fake name.

ROSCO:  Nice.

PHIL:  You know we can never go back here, right?

ROSCO:  Duh.  The “Flip and Flee” method doesn’t make room for return customers.

A manager of the diner rushes out of the building.


Phil and Rosco run away.

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