A continuation of The 11am Cranial Tour Briefing.
(Max walks off. The spotlight goes out.)
MAX’s VOICE: Now if you would all get into the tour bus, we can get going.
(There are footsteps, and then an electric motor starting. The sound of the bus moving is heard. A little remote control bus zooms across stage. It is painted red and orange, and has a flag on the back with a huge picture of Max’s face on it. The sound of the bus stops.)
MAX’s VOICE: Now here is a neat room. This is the room marked Paulis Martinulus, named after a good friend of mine. It is safe to touch anything in this room. There is no depression or anxiety colors painted on these walls, so please, pick up your trash. But I do remind you, when you enter this part of my brain, you may feel a sudden lack of maturity. Now if you all will find a seat. Let me just turn on the projector. . .
(The sound a projector running starts. MAX and PAUL enter the room. They are silent. They walk center stage. They stand there.)
MAX: Daylight come an me wanna go home.
MAX: DAY! Me say day, me say day, me say day . . .
(Pause. On the last note, Max and Paul harmonize beautifully.)
MAX and PAUL: Daylight come an me wanna go home.
(Pause. Max and Paul start setting up a small street mart. Pleasant music starts.)
MAX’s VOICE: Paul is my best friend. He is the only other person in this whole world that understands me. He understands that I am a unique person, a one of a kind model, that God only made one prototype of for the world. I was sent out into the population as a demo to see if my model would work, to see if it was compatible with the rest of God’s plan.
MAX: I wonder if I am working out.
MAX’s VOICE: The story of how Paul and I met is a sorted tale of intrigue and mystery. To recall it now, my mind recoils in horror.
PAUL: (like the Marlon Brando.) The horror! The horror!
MAX: It was a dark and gloomy day. The sun dare not show his face this gray morn. Even Lucifer himself would not have come out of the gates of hell, for it was too cold.
PAUL: This wasn’t your normal cold. This cold was the type of biblical cold that only came about when two great powers collided.
MAX: It was a day that seemed to last forever. The moment that our eyes met, we both knew that we were blood brothers . . .
PAUL: Two great men . . .
MAX: Two great minds. . .
PAUL: We knew that someday we would take up our swords . . .
MAX: Stand on the battle field . . .
PAUL: Scream the names of our fathers, and their fathers before them . . .
MAX: And die together.
MAX: We met at the grocery mart.
(They both leave. The stage lights up. Paul enters, wearing an apron. He works at the mart. He is sweeping. Then Max enters and walks to a cart of oranges that is behind Paul. After Max gets an orange, he turns and faces Paul. Paul looks up.)
(Max walks offstage. Paul continues to sweep. Black.)
(Lights up. Max and Paul walk onstage.)
MAX: After that we decided to join forces.
PAUL: There was a job opening for another sweeper.
(They both leave on opposite sides of the stage. Now both Max and Paul enter, both wearing aprons, both sweeping. They cross the stage and pass each other.)
MAX: What up?
MAX: Blood brothers. We both worked in the supermarket for four years.
PAUL: Then we started a coffee shop.
MAX: Yeah. It turns out Paul was a millionaire. You may ask why he was working in the grocery mart. What he’ll tell you is . . .
PAUL: That I am highly educated in the field of human social interaction. I find the ways in which people deal with each other in such social and yet vital settings as markets and DMV’s a fascinating subject. I was doing an independent study of the grocery mart, the social interactions that occur there and how those interactions might be affected by the rising sales of Muenster cheese.
MAX: But in fact, Paul was a kleptomaniac, and couldn’t stop stealing grapes one by one.
PAUL: The boss thought we had rats for the longest time.
(The scene changes to a coffee shop.)
MAX: This is our coffee shop.
PAUL: Yeah. I think its a little Greco roman.
MAX: I don’t know what it means.
PAUL: And the view is spectacular. As yoooooooo ccaaaaaaan sseeeeeeeeeeeeee . . . .
(Things go black.)
MAX’s VOICE: What? Oh no. The projector burned out again. Sorry folks. I must be painting my room a different color. The fumes make me light headed. My mind kinda loses power. We are going to have to evacuate this part of the brain for right now. We will return when the buzz has worn off and I have enough mental energy to run the projector again. But that might not happen, so if you want to take any pictures now, you may do so. (Lights flash.) Suffice it to say that without Paul, I would be forever lonely on this rock. Most of the people that enter into my life tend to leave running and screaming from my presence after a few years (including my parents, all of which you will see later in the tour) but Paul has always been there. No matter where he is, we are always connected. Get it? Got it? Good. Moving on.
(The lights fade back up. The set has changed to the maternity ward in a hospital.)