We All Have Things

We all have things
Things we can live with and things we can not
Habits that get under our skin and begin to rot
One friend I have hates the word “Caress”
Preferring to use words like brush, rub and stroke
But don’t caress any Styrofoam together
As in another of my friends ire it’ll invoke

Some folks hate posers, hipsters and such
Others detest gigolos and sluts
Some abhor the passive objectors
And others people with sticks up their butts

I myself, though hard I do try
Have a list of things that’ll make me decry
That you’re nothing but a beast, an animal, who I
Will slaughter and eat whole, perhaps with stir-fry

These things, in no particular order, are listed below:
Leaving the lights on, not locking the door
Burping with no “Excuse Me”, either after or before
Not using your turn signal when driving on the street
Refusing a cookie, but I think that one’s more about me
We made toilet lids for a reason, they’re not superfluous
And while you’re there, please please please please please flush

And most of all, the thing I can’t stand
Chewing with one’s mouth open, or slurping a drink
I lose my concentration, and I’m not able to rhyme
It doesn’t just bother me, it causes a headache, actual pain
And I don’t really know why

But I’ve sat down and pondered why I can’t let these go
These annoyances and grievances that bother me so
And I found these things, while a pain, were all harmless
And my aggravation was merely personal, and I must confess
That even I do things that cause others to turn
Like snoring, singing and the incense I burn

It dawns on me the two-way street I’m on
And wonder what I’m annoyed by might say about me
That we can’t be judged by the rude things we’ve done
But by how we’ve dealt with things to which we disagree

So keep quiet for once, and just silently suffer
While the inconveniences start to sting
And remind yourself it’s not so bad
Because, like, you know
We all have things

Thank God I saw this sitting on my shelf, or else I wouldn't have posted anything today.

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