When There Is Nothing Left To Burn, You Have To Set Yourself On Fire

I know this is a bad idea.  I don’t need to imagine the pain I’m going to feel because I can remember it in vivid detail from the last time.  And the last time I did what I’m about to do, this incredibly stupid stupid thing I’m about to do, I didn’t use even half the amount that I’m using now.  I recall how there were no sensations at first, no pain at all, just a slightly sour tang towards the front of my tongue.  I was confident that if this was the worst to expect then I had nothing to fear.  I doubled the dose and smiled as my compatriots receded with caution.  “You fools” I thought.

But I was the fool.

Then like the rumble in the ground before the geyser bursts, I felt a deep stirring in the middle of my head.  In the dark, empty void that is my brain, a single flare shot up into the center and disappeared.  “How intriguing” I thought, “I wonder if this has anything to do with . . .”  Then my thoughts were blown away as an explosion ignited in my idiotic mind.  The painful wildfire covered every space inside my head, making my eyes water and my nose run.  I had just enough time to realize that the flare hadn’t been a single light in the night sky, but an ascending firework designed to lure me into a false sense of security before killing me.  Then the fire began to move.  The fire had a mind, a will!  The horror!  And its only desire was to see me degenerated to a worm writhing on the floor.  It gathered its force into a single ball of light, then shot forward into my nose, making my sinuses sting and wail.  Having no other way to express myself, I grabbed the table and started to lift it off the ground.  The pain only lasted eight or so seconds, but each of those seconds was a lifetime, lifetimes where I only knew pain and suffering.  Then it was gone and my brain returned to the void.  I wiped the tears from my cheeks and tried to remember where I was.  I drank a glass of water.  And then, without any thought, I did it again.  I willingly jumped backed into that lake of sentient, malicious fire.

And I am about to do it again now.  Because I am the fool and I can not stop.  I have been this way for so long that now I yearn for that time-bending pain, that oh so exquisite pleasure.  You may say I need help and I will not refute that idea, but the Lord Almighty help you if you try to stop me.  I would have you in a grave, your family in graves, before I gave this up.  So try it, you self-righteous sonofabitch.  Have at you.

In defiance of all common sense and reasoning, I pile even more wasabi on my tuna roll, pop it into my youth, and await for the glorious pain, the magnificent happiness, to flow over me.

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